It should be legal to carry napalm...

Let me preface by saying I love cover bands. Some of my best friends do covers, and they tend to do them rather well. They write their own material, and it's pretty good, but until the get discovered (every local band's dream) they'll gladly, sometimes shamelessly, cover popular songs. And I'm ok with this.

HOWEVER...

Elementary school art teachers should NOT, I repeat, NOT cover the Beatles.

Let me explain.

First and foremost, I think there is no greater sacrilege than covering the Beatles. The fab four are some of the most influential musicians of all time, and their songs, in my opinion, are sacred. Some of the best cover bands I know won't touch the Beatles, or the Stones for that matter, because of their respect for great bands. So imagine my complete disgust, my utter disdain, my abject HORROR when I was in a local pub tonight, just trying to get my drink on, and these two women (I swear to GOD, the blond was my art teacher in high school!!!) start playing. Now, they're covering music I generally deem appropriate for female cover bands: Pat Benetar, Lisa Loeb, and other vagina-saturated music. Then, out of no where, they break into the Beatles "I am the Walrus," the B-side hit from "Hello, Goodbye."

I almost fell off my chair in my haste to flee the building, lest I throw my still-full glass at the stage.

Now, I'm not sexist; I think women can totally rock traditionally men's songs. My best friend does a wicked Frank Sinatra, and her rendition of Metallica's cover of "Whiskey in the Jar" will rock your socks off. Seriously, it's frightening, but she's damn scary-good at pretending to be James Hetfield.

But these women, these UNTALENTED WOMEN, were not just bastardizing Eddie Vedder (which I can allow, because I have very little respect and admiration for Pearl Jam) or Dave Matthew's Band (which EVERYONE covers) but they did "Walrus," they did Men at Work's classic "Down Under," and I was honestly tempted to set fires.

SET FIRES!!!

There is no respect for good music anymore. Maybe I should start a cover band, and sing only the songs that SHOULD be covered, instead of the one's that demand the kind of respect that keeps people from covering them poorly.

Or maybe I'll invest in homemade napalm instead.

Either way...