-- News broke yesterday that Socks the Cat, former Clinton household pet, was put to sleep on Friday. No word on if there will be a tiny, quadraped-only processional to the Capital building. I'm not sure if they make an American Flag small enough to be folded over the top of a shoebox.
"No, Chelsea! He went to a farm, where he can run and play. Just like Vince Foster."
-- The Dow has dropped below 7,200. Continue monitoring the space above your head. In case of a further drop in the DJIA, a small emergency respiration device will drop from the ceiling. BE SURE to fit your mask properly before assisting any politicians, Wall Street investment bankers, or talk radio hosts in adjusting theirs. In fact, don't help them. And then kneecap them with a tire iron.
-- The Navy of Norway has announced that they will attempt to find the plane of lost explorer Roald Amundsen using a state-of-the-art unmanned submarine. Presumably the sonar will be seeking out the shape of his fucking majestic moustache.
-- If I could pick one awesome ass place to work, it would be McMurdo Station at the South Pole. This is the kind of place the phrase "stir crazy" was invented to describe, as evidenced by the recent firing of an employee for his slightly unprofessional Jell-O Wrestling Party. I guess when you live in the dark for six months with the same two hundred people, all bets are off. And pants.
-- I've said it all along: Facebook is eating the brains of our children. (Join our facebook group, on the sidebar to the right!)
-- A previously unreleased version of The Beatles' 'Revolution 1' has been found and trickled its way online. It appears to A) Bridge the gap between the original version and the crazy-assed 'Revolution 9,' and B) Prove that you could probably have crushed up John Lennon, snorted him, and stayed high until the day you were dead.
-- The movie industry lawyer attempting to prosecute The Pirate Bay decided to pull a Hook-and-Parrot herself, asking her friend and Swedish author to implore other authors for their help against copyright infringement -- using Facebook. Unfortunately, that author turned out to be a pretty avid pirate. For those of you interested in digital copyright issues, the Pirate Bay trial has been gold. If they had any sense, the Pirates would film the prosecution, speed it up, and add the Benny Hill music. Youtube Gyllene, guys.
-- Netflix will be offering a straight-to-your-computer streaming only plan by 2010. By 2012, they'll be able to deliver movies STRAIGHT INTO YOUR VEINS.
-- Adam Carolla has started his own Podcast, evidently upset about being left out of 2007. I respect comedy, and I respect broadcast, so if you can listen to Adam Carolla for more than ten seconds without shoving sharpened pencils into your ears, support the man.
-- Former Postmaster General John E. Potter is being investigated by Congress. Why, you ask? Possibly the $800,000 compensation package last year. Turns out somebody noticed the day he wore that gold-plated suit to work.
Stopped by neither rain, nor snow, nor mouthy-ass bee-yatch.
That's all for this edition, folks! Tune in next time. I'll probably be even more delirious on even more cough syrup!
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