Commentary on Commentary: CNN and Geek Chic

As a sort of meta-exploration on what it means to study pop culture, I'll be referring to this article, found on CNN.com, for the following few paragraphs. A-hem. (Wipes glasses.)

As the weekend of Star Trek release-y craziness approaches us, we have seen an uptick in the volume of geek/nerd/dork/etc. references and discussions. This is a natural phenomenon. Media outlets in general love to latch onto the summer blockbuster craze. In a few weeks we'll be exploring the merits of Artificial Intelligence and light-year advancements in prosthetic technology -- because Christian Bale is getting shot at by giant robots.

The largest of news outlets are like gigantic, slow robots themselves -- they feed on the collective information sources of the internet, only to process, combine, and package the same basic messages in an AP format. Anything not considered "breaking" news -- Twitterable, if you will -- is often days behind on the actual mood of the nation. Know what? We're sick of the Star Trek hype. It's coming out on Thursday, and some of us have to go to work in between. We'll deal with the wait.

This weekend, though? Totally would have had the time to read an article on geek-pop-culture. And that's what the news-ertainment industry doesn't understand: If you're going to rope us in with a fluff piece, either bring us to tears or wait 'till a Saturday.

I mostly say fluff piece because it is chock-full of already discussed, fairly obvious trendmatter. We know geeks are big. Remember when you referenced Revenge of the Nerds? I'm pretty sure that was the watershed moment for geek culture, CNN. An interviewee, however, believes this honor belongs to The O.C. -- a show most only remember for it's ridiculously parodiable plotlines and horrid acting. Adam Brody, if anything, carried that show for its duration -- functionally destroying his future career, kinda like Screech. (Who, by the way, was the first geek I ever saw hanging with the cool kids.)

But none of this is new, which is at least three fourths of what news is supposed to be. It's difficult for an outsider, especially one lacking in internet skills, to ever catch up with society in general if all one ever gets is day/week/month-old opinions and reviews. And for those of us obsessively trolling the internet for the newest possible info, this? This just gets in the way.

Now I'm not blaming the writer; Ms. France did her job well and found all of the relevant sources. The article is well written and coherent. It just should have been published in February. I'm not claiming to have predictive superpowers here, but seriously -- 'Geek Chic' is a years-old term. There are two seasons of Chuck, countless torturous hours of The Big Bang Theory, Green and Meyer on Heroes, and LOST even has time-travel. Pop a new Star Trek into the mix, and you don't exactly sound like Nostradamus two days before the biggest, most surefire geek-vindication since Skolnick and Childs.

Stuff About Today: WTF Edition

-- Wolverine made 85 million dollars domestic this weekend, further proving that most of the population will buy into anything with a brand name. Remember to pick up your X-Men Origins: Wolverine novelty deodorant and garden tools on your way out of the theatre.

-- Wolverine made almost 160 million worldwide, and yes, I'm that disturbed by it. This is significant for two reasons. First, the fact that this movie doubled it's own earnings around the world is a pretty amazing thing when you consider the growing global access to Hollywood. Second, it means we still have an almost hypnotic power over the culture of the entire world, because they are clearly as stupid as we are.

-- Life, probably the best show nobody watched, was finally axed. This is sad, but not entirely; the show seemed to end in much the way a zen-cop show should: quietly. Go and watch the whole series, as it wraps up everything suspenseful by the finale, and satisfies like a good meal.

--Chuck, on the other hand, is still sweating it out. The now-infamous Five Dolla Footlong push definitely made itself some news, and the show is quite good at begging you to support sponsors without seeming like a total dick. This has to be an invaluable asset in TV right now, since you can't have a can of Coke in most shows without them looking like complete shills.

--Reportedly, after the credits in Wolverine there is a secret scene (in some releases) with a character from the movie addressing the audience. They probably should have thought about the potential franchising of characters before they derived most of their inspiration from early 90's videogames and horrible 60's monster movies, but what will be will be. None of this changes the fact that Star Trek is going to slap it in the mouth like a pimp dealin' with a bitch's attitude.

--I reiterate: Star Trek is going to pimp-slap Wolverine. I didn't honestly think I would cheer for this Star Trek, but it really needs to pull a Dark-Knight-to-Iron-Man and make that horrid piece of shit disappear. This time, though, it'll be for the good of mankind.

--Heroes is still on. That's good, right? Right?

--LOST is still ramping up to the season finale, although I am already ramped enough for my Aorta to pop at the next mention of Time Travel. GIVE ME MORE, ABRAMS.

--Turns out Swine Flu won't hide under your bed and do horrible things to you in the night after all (at least, not until the fall). Oh, by the way, while you weren't looking, Chrysler went bankrupt and most of the US banking industry admitted they have no real money. Happy Tuesday!

Jumping on the band wagon...

I'm not one to panic. Really, I'm not. Just because I have a few (47) zombie contingency plans and a loaded gun under my pillow (safety on) doesn't mean I overreact to potential threats, it just means I'm prepared.





However...





In light of the zombie-pig apocalypse, I offer this motivational tool.

Now, let's go kill that kid, before we all DIE OF THE PLAGUE.

That is all.

Damn, I've missed you guys.