My dumbphone's IQ is maybe 63.

Damn you, iPhone. And you too, Nexus One. Droid can suck it too -- and I could HAVE that one. I just don't have the thirty-odd bucks a month for the Smartphone web fee. That's the shit of it right there -- I barely use the phone part of my phone. Better I pay the forty a month for a data-only handset and use Skype or Google Voice for my phone stuffs. Right? Right??

But alas, it's impractical. Yes, I could tether it to my netbook, allowing me to have internet literally anywhere. But I already do, don't I? At least I do in the places where I bring my netbook. No, I want that little bastard on the train. Zipping through meaningless social media, attempting to play the giant, real-time, text-based MMORPG that is Facebook. (Twitter? Bonus round. Beatin' the Car with Dhalsim.) I want Google Maps to tell me where I am. I want to take a picture of a diner, hit a button, and have my little IV drip of info tell me exactly what a short stack and a fried egg costs. (Yes, that shit is possible.)

Someday, I will leave my dumbphone behind. I'll miss Tetris, but I'll just get it again, I'm sure. And also online Scrabble. (shudder.) Until then, it is envy on public transportation. On the plus side, though, I have nothing electronically reliable enough to be my backup -- So I still remember how to be smart all by myself.