WTF: That '70s Show Season 8

Welcome to the first installment of Waste That Film!, aka WTF. Where in I ask WTF (What the Frak) is up with WTF (Wasting that Film) or better stated as "why did you even bother?" Today, I have my sights set on That '70s Show's final season... The horrible season that it was.

Now, I must admit that I do, in fact, own the final season of this series, but that is more of my OCD kicking in over needing to have a show's complete series run. Shows that ended too soon are easy to keep track of, a la Arrested Development (but if you don't have all 3 seasons... you are wrong) but long series... You get to a point where you might as well just bite the bullet and dish out the cash for all 6+ seasons. And my saving grace with this particular season in question is that it was a Christmas present. So props to Poppa Larry for completing this series and contributing to my obsessive wallet-shrinking disorder.

I still remember watching the first episode of That '70's Show. I've seen the Pilot so many times that I can't tell you what exact scene from it I remember making me really enjoy it and wanting to continue watching it, but I do remember 2 thoughts:

1) Holy shit! The bad guy from Robocop is in this show!! BAD ASS!!

2) Holy shit! This show is awesome! Too bad it's on Fox and it will be canceled before the end of the season.

Fortunately I was wrong on Point 2 and we were given 7 quality seasons of pot jokes, good music and sex. And Mila Kunis and Hot Donna. The cast was likable, the story never got too repetitive and it was just a good old show that was nice to watch. I, like many, grew with Eric Foreman and his motley crew.


How you doin'!?!
Then the money came.

Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace had a few movies up until that point, like Butterfly Effect (while I do not like Kutcher, he was perfect for that role) and In Good Company (wonderful movie) they got the bug and were both set to film The Guardian and Spider-Man 3, respectfully... and crapfully. So it was time for them to make their exit. Kelso was a disposable character, however Eric was the heart of the show. How would it survive?

The writers attempted to place a replacement character in the weeds at the end of season 7, but during the off season he was offered his own show. Instead, we were left with Seth Meyers' less funny brother, Douchebag Meyers.


I mean Josh, but Douchebag is much better suited.
After looking at Meyers' resume on IMDB, one must ask: Why the Frak would anyone enjoy this guy on screen!?! He was fired from MadTV... Let me repeat that so it can sink in... He was FIRED from MadTV. You don't have to be funny to be on MadTV, so I can't even imagine what one would have to do to get FIRED from that... thing. Then right before That 70's Show he was in Date Movie. I've never had thoughts of suicide in my entire life, but about 10 minutes after being drug into that movie, I was trying to fashion a noose from my Twizzlers and hoping that Sour Patch Kids were deadly if exposed directly to the brain through the nasal cavity. I held an all new appreciation for life after leaving that movie because that movie sucked balls. I hated cinema for a long time after that movie.

So, take that, subtract Eric's Vista Cruiser... but now we don't have an opening title sequence. Oh, I know, let's take one of the shows best cinematographic cornerstones and totally ruin it by making our cast dance there... and have people who have no business being in the "Circle" be there! Guh.

Then, the Jumping of the Jumping Shark (when a show totally loses it)... Donna and Eric break up off-screen for no good reason!?! Just so Donna and Douchebag can start up the sexual tension in the show!?! Hey writers... No! No! Stop it!

And finally, Fox got wise and canceled the show, but needed the big names to come back... So break up Donna and Douchey, and all is well because it will be 1980.. Whew! But it was too late. That '70s Show ended like a shit-flavored Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean. Kinda like a Tootsie Roll at first, then green baby shit in your mouth. (No Comment)

So all in all, I would say that That '70s Show Season 8 was a total Waste of Film. A completely non-WTF ending would have seen Eric about to leave for Africa, saying goodbye to all his friends in the basement, walking up the stairs and turning off the lights.

And then the crew yelling at him because they are all still in the basement about to watch TV like nothing had changed.

Son of a BITCH.

I'm angry because I was going to do this with Sitcom houses someday, and then turn it into a Master's thesis.  I'm happy because I know I'm not the only crazy bastard thinking about it. 

Head over to danmeth.com, and watch the page for more "Pop Cultural Charts."  The Sitcom-House-Setup chart and the Trilogy Quality Chart are, however, every bit worth the visit.

Side Post: Funny YouTube Video for Today

No words can add to this...

The Bryan Brinkman Experiment: Fine, Fallon, I'll bite

Jimmy Fallon has started something called "The Bryan Brinkman Experiment," attempting to get an audience member (named -- wait for it -- Bryan Brinkman) more Twitter followers than Obama.  It's about to air on Late Night, but I found it on the blog early, and I'm throwing my support in.

Jimmy is getting another chance tonight because Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht of Digg.com are doing an interview (possibly connected with the Brinkman thing).  They've been on web talk shows for years now, and their crossover into regular TV means we might get some quality Rose and Albrecht on network broadcasts.  Not only that, but Fallon seems to be drifting away from the staples of late night and into his own, slightly better version.  Being a child of the internet (so to speak), he might know how to do it in 4 weeks instead of the three to six months of the typical late night host.  Tonight I give him a second opportunity to give me hope.

Or palm my face.  Hard.

EDIT:  Well, the audience didn't seem to enjoy Alex and Kevin, even though they were awesome.  Jimmy's improving, but still has a long way to go with celebs.  Except Russell Brand.  Whatever he was on made interviewing him comedy gold.

Brinkman, By the way, is gaining Twitter followers by the second.  This experiment... intrigues me.  Like a Colbert ultra-stunt.

Liveblogging from a bar: One step closer to my dream job

The Wharf Rat in Baltimore is not what you expect.  

Walking in at first, you'd expect a theme bar, of course.  Baltimore's Fells Point is little more than a series of fantastic drinking holes interspersed with small restaurants and shoppes -- not shops.  The extra alphabet is required to describe the little trinket stores, with sometimes very unique faire (and occasionally not so much).  

The Wharf Rat, however, refuses to obey conventions in a few directions.  The bar is dimly lit by the lanterns along the rafters, so most of the light is provided by christmas lights that could have been purchased at Wal-Mart.  Trivial Pursuit cards dot the surface of each table, offering guests the opportunities to make asses out of their friends.  The floor is reminiscent, I'm sure, of whatever floor originally topped the foundation.  It might be the original, but the sturdy wood beneath your feet tends more to remind you of an old pirate ship than anything else.

And that's the interior in a nutshell -- if your friends could rent a party pirate ship and get a bar jammed into the middle of it, you'd be in a floating version of the Wharf Rat.  Not afraid of their nautical leanings, they embrace their love of the sea whole-heartedly, including allowing a pirate-shanty Pub sing in their long, alternate bar area.

That's what I'm doing here tonight -- my Pirate friend is having a birthday tonight, and his activity of choice is the drunken shouting of sailing songs.  

The beer is good, especially the microbrews, and the food -- though very bar-ish for the later crowds -- is delicious.  You wouldn't expect pirates to make such kick-ass pizza, either, but they do.  The field of tables feels more like an actual pub, as opposed to a restaurant, so the tasty selections provide a for an awesome meeting place in the middle of a night out.

So without expectations, go get tipsy at the Wharf Rat.  They'll treat you well, sell you great eats and not tax your taste with an overly-modern Nightclub style.  The classics are alive and well in this part of Baltimore, and bars like the Wharf Rat are right in the center.

Happy Birthday B!

Side Post: Eating Crow

As I've stated before that there is one man I trust above all others about all things movie, TV or literature. And he has spoken.

Apparently, Watchmen was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that he has seen it twice. The guy is a poor college student... and he's seen it twice. You know that I movie has to be worth a damn to take the movie over what could potentially snowball into his inability to buy a textbook or lunch or gas or another movie ticket... Like to see Wolverine or Star Trek.

He did acknowledge that the film had some minor changes and more punch-you-in-the-face violence, and for him to allow such a thing is HUGE. So now I need to see it. Soon. Like, now.

EDIT: He also commented on that the soundtrack wasn't that bad, except for the version of Hallelujah they have. If you've seen Shrek, then you know the song. Yeah, that one... One of the most beautiful songs in the world, and the version they chose for this film is the biggest piece of shit I've ever had to listen to 30 seconds of as an iTunes preview. Go ahead and check it out. Then go find the a cappella version on BOCA 2006. If you don't find that version absolutely incredible, you don't have a soul. If you like the version from the movie, stop reading my blogs because you ruin life with your shitty taste in music.

Anyways, I am a big man, and I know defeat when I see it. So, to Zack Snyder, I apologize. I should have kept the faith after 300...

Side Post: Castle

Nathan Fillion, you slick son of a bitch.  Joss Whedon, the man who made you, can barely get a show to make twenty seconds sense this season, and you go and remind all of us why Bruce Willis did Moonlighting.  

Castle really is pretty good.  It's another in the increasingly interesting line of "Back to Basics" hour long TV -- screw the arcs and the overdramatic subplots.  I want forty-four minutes of character-driven awesome.  

Fillion and Castle provide just that.   Go watch.

When Idiots Watch the News

As the country spirals itself directly down history's crapper, a widening gap between political philosophies has become a disadvantage to the very people this nation was founded to protect and provide for:  Morons. 

  Their leader.

The problem is all of this political speak.  Why are Conservatives on the right and Liberals on the left?  Is the reverse true in the UK?  Democrats use the color blue to identify themselves, and Republicans use red -- but everyone knows that the Democrats are the dirty, baby-eating Communists.  And why is it that only Republicans are allowed to own full grown pet elephants?  Isn't that some sort of discrimination?

As such, I've dedicated my thoughts to explaining the details between the two sides, according to how the News Media portrays them:  The gay-marriage-stem-cell-parade having Marxists of the left wing, and the hobo-murdering, wife-beating, swim-in-a-pool-of-money Scrooge McDuck bastards of the right.  

For our first part, the lefties:

To begin, you must understand that the politics of the left wing are inspired by the most horrible of our unsuccesful politicians:  Failures of mankind such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln and Jesus, all of whom participated in hideous rituals of social service and Satanic puppy-mutilating.  However, as most of these role models are dead (supposedly -- I'm talking to you, Zombie Lincoln), the brainwashed slobbering hordes now get their hate speak from this travesty of existence:

Totally not gay.

Also this guy:

Slightly gay.  Yet forgivable.

If you lean more toward the conservative side of things, forgive the evil that radiates from the above photos.  It may be difficult to look at either for too long unless you're holding your bible.  Even then, don't stare into Keith Olbermann's eyes for more than a few seconds.  You'll black out, wake up on a peach-colored couch in an unfamiliar apartment and discover you now have a "roommate" named Toby who rarely wears pants and insists you listen to Barry Manilow records during dinner.

What do these heathens and demon-men believe?  Let's check a few items on the list:

-- Money is bad, and nobody should have any.  People are happiest when poor.

-- We should give welfare to everyone, even Congresspeople.  If possible, all jobs should be eliminated in favor of staying home, having kids and smoking crack.

-- Tigers and other exotic household pets should be allowed to run for public office.

-- Abortions are awesome.

-- Celebrities, like professors, are a precious resource of knowledge and experience.  Britney Spears, for instance, has the left-wing equivalent of a PhD in Social Justice:  A Grammy.  Paul Blart, Mall Cop will soon be our new secretary of Commerce.

-- We should beat children into submission by forcing them to be creative.  The left does not believe in testing, and they are dedicated to eliminating a child's God-given right to be academically tested until catatonic.

-- God isn't real.  And if he was, he would totally smell like farts and drink the last of the milk without throwing the container away.

-- Terrorists need hugs and candy.  They cannot be stopped by any other means.

-- Humans and Monkeys, having common ancestry, should legally be allowed to marry.

The horror of these nutjob, self-loving Demon-crats is that they have somehow hypnotized the entire country into voting them into office using a fair, time-tested system that measures a significant majority of concrete opinion amongst a random sampling of the population.  The fucking nerve.  Like a rocket-powered wheelchair at the Special Olympics, their dual tactics of "accurately interpreting the system" and "following the law" are the dirtiest kind of politics:  The kind that no other politician is clean enough to use.

In addition, Democrats are always giving away the hard-earned money of our most beleagured social class:  The unfathomably wealthy.  Our economy is tanking, and yet the president and his politi-cronies are taking away precious kazillions from our kazillionaires.  And where are they putting it?  Financial wastelands like road improvement and orphanages.  Just throwing it away.  They hate financial freedom so much they want to give it to everybody, thus diluting it for the people who had to work so hard on their back door, legally gray business dealings.  Some of these unfortunate rich might not even have enough to buy a second plane after the Lefties are done in office, but we'll see:  Remember, Righties, Sarah Palin can come back in 2012.  And if she's elected, it'll be like Bush never even gave up his divine right to rule our country!

In part two, I'll explore the inner, often extremely gelatinous workings of the average right winger, unless the creatures inside of them devour my very sanity first.  We'll see if I can hold them at bay with snausages.