Happy Birthday Chuck Palahniuk

If you don't know who Chuck Palahniuk is, get up, get to a book store immediately and tell the 40-something woman behind the counter you need a Chuck Palahniuk book right now or the world will end... If your name is Jack Bauer, they will definitely believe you and then come home and read the entire book in one sitting. Go on, git! Oh, and make sure you say "Chuck Palahniuk." I once went into a book store and ask where their Palahniuk books were, and the cashier typed into the computer then said "No, we don't have any Paula Nick books. Sorry."

Okay, now that you're back we may proceed.

I, like the majority of people in this world saw Fight Club the movie before reading the book. Hell, I like the majority of those people I didn't even know that the movie was a book in the first place. During the opening credits I am usually so full of equal parts excitement, WTF-ness and awe to even bother reading (If I wanted to read, I would have picked up the book) let alone recognize an author's name or even remember it by the time the first scene is over!

I was "first" introduced to Chuck Palahniuk when a coworker suggested one his books. This coworker is a very good friend of mine to this day, and if ever I need an honest-to-Flying Spaghetti Monster opinion on anything movie- or literature-related, I go to him. He has read more books than anyone else I know, and his DVD collection rivals my own. Whatever I don't have he does, and vice-versa. And the best part of his reviews/opinions is he tells a story so well, it's almost a disappointment when you read/see the book/movie because he's so intense about his hatred/love of the content.

Unlike me and the millions of others who did not have the knowledge of Fight Club being a book before the movie, this man did... and he had read it when it came out nonetheless! He even suggested it to a teacher who attempted to read it and had to stop because of it was, well... Fight Club. So he needed more. And he got more. And then he spoke the gospel of Chuck Palahniuk.

I'm not going to sit here and debate which is better between the movie and the book because they both have fine points that would go in their favor, but what I am going to do is celebrate a great author on his birthday. Because, dammit, he deserves it.

My first book by Mr. Palahniuk was Choke. As my friend handed me the book, he said one word: Enjoy. Now that I was armed with the knowledge of "this is the same guy who gave us Fight Club!!!!" and an extremely positive and in-depth review from my friend, I set about enjoying a new book. Remember when I told you to go get any one of his books and read it all in one sitting? I speak from experience that it is incredibly difficult NOT to do that. I was hooked from the start of the first chapter until the VERY LAST WORD of the book.

I both cared for and was disgusted by Victor, but in the end, I was proud for his progression to who he became... Granted still a flawed human being, but still, he was like a friend I could never turn my back on. I felt like his journey was my own. I felt like I could possibly go to expensive restaurants and pull his little scheme too. I even found myself collecting stones for weeks afterward.

Next was Survivor, then Lullaby (by far my favorite), then Diary, and so on. I love each and every one. I recommend them all. You should buy one of his books, then let your friend barrow it. Then keep it going. Even if you don't like reading, I'm fairly certain you'll enjoy a Palahniuk book.

In closing, the best example of the intensity that a Chuck Palahniuk book can cause you is in one of the "short stories" in Haunted. Find that book and read "Guts." I first read i when it was published in the March 2004 Playboy and I have never felt so many different emotions and an actual physical reaction to the written word. I honestly almost threw up and felt a great deal of pain from Palahniuk's absolutely incredible narrative.

And you'll never want to swim again.