Justin.tv: Screw you, anything I was doing today

I have found a new internet refuge, and it is justin.tv.  Head there.  I don't think it'll give you a virus -- don't even try to quote me on that -- but I don't even care.  It could give your computer chlamydia for all I know, but it's worth it.  

Welcome to your salvation, major networks.

That's right, Big 3.  It's time to accept a simple truth:  Nobody likes to watch broadcast TV anymore.  It's the end of scheduled creative broadcasting:  24/7 news networks are pure profit.  At some point, we have to ask ourselves why:  Is there something that important about the news that makes people tune in?  No.  It's the twenty-four hour, fuck-your-faceness of the Constant News Networks.    You don't have to schedule a thing on those channels, because news is never not happening -- it's disturbing, however, that the minutia of everyday life is starting to fill in the hours when really, there isn't that much news.  At least, not in this country.  (And you thought we gave a shit about -- where?  The Sudan?  It could be underwater for all you know.)  Mildly talented housepets and insane conspiracy theories dot the spaces between actual countrywide events.  It's like someone put YouTube on a 'Random' loop.

Which segues nicely into my next major point:  For TV to remain relevant, it's time to really turn to the internet.  

Justin.tv is the alpha prototype of something just that clever.  On the site, users broadcast whatever they want -- over 60 channels worth of material, broadcast 24/7, anywhere.  It's a media addict's wet dream, especially if you have a particular primetime fetish.  Want to watch Nicktoons?  Ever?  There's a channel for that.  A magical dimension with constant Star Trek:  The Next Generation and Twilight Zone marathons, any day of the year?  You live there.  

Granted, not everything is offered -- but that's where a little trust comes in.  NBC and Fox put theirs in Hulu, which has turned out fantastically for both of them.  What's CBS doing, exactly?  ABC?  (Probably drinking Mai Tais.  They're owned by Disney.)  A conglomeration of networks needs to snatch up this idea -- take Justin.tv, run polls, and find the top 25 or so shows to run in twenty-four hour marathons.  Take a commercial break every five minutes -- cut them to 30-45 seconds, too.  Let the sponsors name their price-per-viewer, and see what happens.

The use of new technology to prop up the old seems awfully ignorant to the truly forward thinking, I suppose; however the idea of new new media is one that needs a bridge.  Every innovation has its bridge.  On Demand entertainment is a hell of a thing, but you know what I'm not into?  Making stupid decisions.  I don't want to specify which episode of MacGyver to watch, I just want some household-product-rescue(-mullet) badassedness.  Throw one of those things up at random.  Is he using a paperclip this time?  He just might.

Justin.tv gives the channel surfers that still exist a very powerful tool:  Something is always on.  It's heaven.  You can jump in on any of these shows, but the promise is that you don't have to wade through even subber-par programming just to find that slightly shiny piece of crap.  Someone has a sifter, and it's all shiny crap.  5 channels of oldschool 80's action movies?  It's either that, or 24 hours of Seinfeld.  Which one am I more likely to watch while tolerating Charmin commercials?  

Maybe someday we'll be able to make TV decisions like OnDemand wants us to.  Right now, the bandwidth growth of the internet allows for a constant stream of hundreds of show-specific television channels.  And with over-the-air broadcast dying, an ad-based model will have to attract flies not just with honey, but honey-coated goldleaf diamonds.  With chocolate in the middle.  Chocolate filled with rainbows.  365 straight days of Scooby Doo will probably work.

For now, the site is wasted on the pirates, but with just small commercial injections, a semi-decent business model could spring forth.  Until then, we have a free source of constant, less-than-complete-shit programming that plays with no commercials.  Get into it now before it's bought up -- or shut down.

(And if it becomes trendy, tell them I told you about it way before it was cool.)