Farewell Old Friend

I'm going to avoid spoilers, but I promise nothing.

Last night, we saw an old friend pass quietly into the realm of reruns and DVD box sets. It did as it always had, a fine mix of excitement, adventure, deep conversation, life observations and just pure joy for good entertainment. It did as it always had, defied expectations... After years wondering how it would all end, it did as few expected... Happily. And as it ends, it acts as a sort of death cry to one of the last good shows on TV. Our Friday nights will never be the same.


"My career is over!! Yay!!"
I work second shift, so it was a hard pill to swallow knowing that I would not see the initial showing of the Battlestar Galactica finale, and even worse knowing that I wouldn't be home in time to see the recast at 12:11 AM. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, but luckily OnDemand saved the day.

So at 2 AM this morning, I began the journey to say goodbye to an old friend. And I was nervous, as I'm sure many of us were, and rightfully so. BSG has rarely let us down before, but there is always that shadowy figure in the back of every show creator's mind... the one that always says things like "Let's fuck all the people who have made us popular and allowed us to stay on the air for so long. Right in the anus." So I was literally shaking through the majority of the show.

But it wasn't only for the fear of Ron Moore raping my love for great television, I was honestly nervous for these characters and their plight. The Big G has been a home for us for 5+ years also. I didn't want to see Galactica torn to shit and destroyed... I didn't want to see everyone onboard to be absolutely decimated... And most certainly didn't want to see that son of a bitch Dean Stockwell win...

In the end, all was well. I went to bed around 5 completely satisfied. Things were tied up nicely, no one did anything outside of what their character development would allow. Adama was still Adama, Lee was still Lee, and Cavil did exactly what Cavil would do in that situation... even if NO ONE saw it coming.

And on a quick side note, I'm glad they finally brought forth the whole Tori-Cally angle. That really upset me last half-season and I'm glad it was followed up on and resolved. Call me messed up, but I cheered when Dee offed herself and I cheered when this angle came to it's conclusion.

So for once... The survivors of the 12 (13) Colonies got a happy ending. It wasn't the ending they were looking for initially, but it was the ending they deserved. I read that a few people who saw the sneak peek last Monday didn't like the extra tag ending, but I thought it was well done. Sometimes it's nice to see what happens down the line.

So hopefully I didn't ruin anything for anyone, and if you haven't seen it yet... You're in for a good time.D

Well Played GameStop

It has come to my attention that GameStop is pre-selling the new Guitar Hero: Metallica game and they are offering an interesting incentive... A free bass drum pedal for the double-kick action.

Holy dog shit!



I was kinda interested in the game before... I mean, I didn't get the Aerosmith version and didn't feel like I was totally missing out on the Guitar Hero experience, and I'm not a huge Metallica fan. I have the essential Metallica songs and the S&M album, but aside from that, why should I care about this game? To be honest, before I found out about this presale item, I was only gonna get the game for Bob Seger's "Turn the Page" and Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone." But now, I want it for a completely useless peripheral that will make drumming even harder!!

So, I say "well played GameStop!" You've made me want a game that I don't need/ have the money for/ or the time for for no good reason, and had misspelled Lynyrd Skynyrd on your packaging. Well done.

Side Post: This Makes Me Happy

Sorry for going AWOL since last week, and apologies for the rest of the p0pcult. crew... St. Patty's Day does that sometimes.

I'll be posting an article soon about an upcoming video game and the associated pre-sale, but for now...

This.

I am a very happy boy right now.

Indie Audio Geekiness: Welcome to the overinformed

My roommates and I have been putting on a "comedy" radio show for the past few months now, so existing within that using-a-dying-medium-for-attention club has really helped me appreciate others in the same position.  As such, I'm hoping to post something about this field every so often.  

The first, and best example I have for this is what appears to be  (or could be, at any rate) a Master's thesis on underground techno/electronica/jungle -- and the short, evocative drumbeat that has influenced it every step of the way.  Recorded by a Nate Harrison, the entire thing is about 18 minutes long, and don't expect to laugh.  This isn't a comedy piece -- it's a serious exploration of wicked minutia, and it ends up forcing you to think about musical origins as a whole.  You might even finally nail down your feelings on that whole Queen/Vanilla Ice debacle.

I present to you a youtube video that doesn't need (or particularly use) the video part: The world's most important 6-second drum loop.  If you don't enjoy listening to things like NPR or Music History lectures, you won't give a crap.  But if Pop Culture is your game, then you should know where it starts.  That way you can seem way slicker than any beret-wearing, indie junkie with a Van Dyke you come across.

I <3 sleep

I'm in Memphis.

MEMPHIS!

Did you know it takes 14 hours to drive from Chambersburg PA to Memphis TN non stop? Did you know it's IMPOSSIBLE for three people to drive non stop for 14 hours, so a 14 time table is RIDICULOUSLY INADEQUATE?

I love road trips. They are, quite possibly, the best part of the spring/summer for me. I like going new places, learning new things, and seeing new sights. I'm an avid history buff, so any museum-esque display catches my attention. And while I love road trips, I came to the conclusion that all of my road trips up until this point pale in comparison to driving to Memphis. Let me explain.

I woke up on Friday morning at approximately 7 am, after only 5 hours of sleep because I was excited about the trip. I went to work, and all I could talk about was going to Memphis (even though 60% of my coworkers were not there and I was under extreme pressure to get out at a reasonable hour.) I left work and drove to Chambersburg to meet my cohorts, Trey and Negley, and I literally giggled like a giddy school girl the entire way.

The original plan involved us leaving once I arrived in Chambersbug and driving through the night to Memphis. We decided to forsake this plan because I'd worked all day, and sleep would probably have been a good idea. I still think sleep would have been great, but in the excitement of the trip, OF COURSE I didn't sleep. I laid in bed at Trey's, waiting for sleep, praying for sleep, knowing full well I wouldn't sleep. Trey could have slept through the bombing of Dresden, so of COURSE he slept, and Negley sleeps half the day anyway, so he wasn't close to tired. So we watched Silent Hill, and I screamed "WTF is that?!?" while Trey was comatose on the couch, waiting for 4 am when we would leave.

Did I say 4 am? I really mean 5:30, because Trey is a primadonna who has to primp before driving for 14 hours, and while he CLAIMED to have everything ready to go, it still took a half an hour to get his stuff from the house to the car, even though the car was EIGHT FEET FROM THE DOOR (we also had to finish watching Silent Hill, but as that only took an additional 20 minutes from the time Trey regained consciousness, I don't attribute it to the lateness of departure.) We got everything in the car, we got in the car, we stopped for gas and super glue (to afix the GPS docking station to the dashboard, because the suction cup doesn't work worth shit) and FINALLY got underway.

We drove across four state lines in 40 minutes, because I-81 does that. We reached Virginia, and the real fun began. And by fun, I mean the 6.5 hours it takes to get to the Tennessee border. We stopped for breakfast at Cracker Barrel (Best Place EVER) and to pee a lot (because Trey has the bladder capacity of a small squirrel) but eventually made it to Tennessee.

For those of you not familiar with US geography, Tennessee is a WIDE state. While it took us 7 hours with stops to reach Tennesse, it took us 8 hours with only two brief gas stops to cross Tennessee and reach Memphis. By the time we reached the city, I'd been awake for 40 hours, my eyes were blood shot and glaring, and the call of a shower was a Siren's song I could no longer resist. Once clean again, and feeling marginally alive, we decided to call it a night in, got some truly wonderful ghetto Chinese food, and promptly fell asleep at 9:30.

But today began the first real day in Memphis. We were up by 9, ready to find out what secrets the city could impart upon two traveling musicians and an over zealous blogger from the North. We started at Graceland, because if you go to Memphis and don't stop by Graceland, you have no soul. We looked at the Kings house, considered paying $30 each for the tour, and decided, since he wasn't home anyway, that we'd pass. We did roam the over priced gift shops, bought memorabilia, and ate fried peanut and banana sandwiches and cheeseburgers at the diner.

Sun Studios came next, and my GOD, it was amazing. I actually put on my best rockstar face, kicked a leg in the air like Steven Tyler, I posed for a picture with the microphone Elvis used to record "All Shook Up." We bought CDs, more memorabilia, and jumped onto the shuttle to hit the Rock and Soul Museum.

The Rock and Soul Museum is a self guided tour, and I tend to like those better than guided tours, because you can move at your own pace without a group of strangers blocking all the good photos. While you can't take pictures in the museum (which SUCKS) you can see every exhibit for as long as you want without feeling left behind, which is nice. That place was PACKED with artifacts from the early days of Memphis music, and I still didn't see everything in there (because my feet were tired!) But oh God, what an experience.

Did you know that the only reason Wurlitzer juke boxes have colored lights around the faces is because of a Dr. Pepper advertisement conveniently placed atop a juke box in Memphis? NEITHER DID I! But we do now! I also got to listen to the theme from Shaft six times while in there, which is always awesome.

Now we're back at the hotel, getting ready to get some southern BBQ for dinner. Mmmmmmmmm, pork!

Catch y'all tomorrow.

WTF: That '70s Show Season 8

Welcome to the first installment of Waste That Film!, aka WTF. Where in I ask WTF (What the Frak) is up with WTF (Wasting that Film) or better stated as "why did you even bother?" Today, I have my sights set on That '70s Show's final season... The horrible season that it was.

Now, I must admit that I do, in fact, own the final season of this series, but that is more of my OCD kicking in over needing to have a show's complete series run. Shows that ended too soon are easy to keep track of, a la Arrested Development (but if you don't have all 3 seasons... you are wrong) but long series... You get to a point where you might as well just bite the bullet and dish out the cash for all 6+ seasons. And my saving grace with this particular season in question is that it was a Christmas present. So props to Poppa Larry for completing this series and contributing to my obsessive wallet-shrinking disorder.

I still remember watching the first episode of That '70's Show. I've seen the Pilot so many times that I can't tell you what exact scene from it I remember making me really enjoy it and wanting to continue watching it, but I do remember 2 thoughts:

1) Holy shit! The bad guy from Robocop is in this show!! BAD ASS!!

2) Holy shit! This show is awesome! Too bad it's on Fox and it will be canceled before the end of the season.

Fortunately I was wrong on Point 2 and we were given 7 quality seasons of pot jokes, good music and sex. And Mila Kunis and Hot Donna. The cast was likable, the story never got too repetitive and it was just a good old show that was nice to watch. I, like many, grew with Eric Foreman and his motley crew.


How you doin'!?!
Then the money came.

Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace had a few movies up until that point, like Butterfly Effect (while I do not like Kutcher, he was perfect for that role) and In Good Company (wonderful movie) they got the bug and were both set to film The Guardian and Spider-Man 3, respectfully... and crapfully. So it was time for them to make their exit. Kelso was a disposable character, however Eric was the heart of the show. How would it survive?

The writers attempted to place a replacement character in the weeds at the end of season 7, but during the off season he was offered his own show. Instead, we were left with Seth Meyers' less funny brother, Douchebag Meyers.


I mean Josh, but Douchebag is much better suited.
After looking at Meyers' resume on IMDB, one must ask: Why the Frak would anyone enjoy this guy on screen!?! He was fired from MadTV... Let me repeat that so it can sink in... He was FIRED from MadTV. You don't have to be funny to be on MadTV, so I can't even imagine what one would have to do to get FIRED from that... thing. Then right before That 70's Show he was in Date Movie. I've never had thoughts of suicide in my entire life, but about 10 minutes after being drug into that movie, I was trying to fashion a noose from my Twizzlers and hoping that Sour Patch Kids were deadly if exposed directly to the brain through the nasal cavity. I held an all new appreciation for life after leaving that movie because that movie sucked balls. I hated cinema for a long time after that movie.

So, take that, subtract Eric's Vista Cruiser... but now we don't have an opening title sequence. Oh, I know, let's take one of the shows best cinematographic cornerstones and totally ruin it by making our cast dance there... and have people who have no business being in the "Circle" be there! Guh.

Then, the Jumping of the Jumping Shark (when a show totally loses it)... Donna and Eric break up off-screen for no good reason!?! Just so Donna and Douchebag can start up the sexual tension in the show!?! Hey writers... No! No! Stop it!

And finally, Fox got wise and canceled the show, but needed the big names to come back... So break up Donna and Douchey, and all is well because it will be 1980.. Whew! But it was too late. That '70s Show ended like a shit-flavored Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean. Kinda like a Tootsie Roll at first, then green baby shit in your mouth. (No Comment)

So all in all, I would say that That '70s Show Season 8 was a total Waste of Film. A completely non-WTF ending would have seen Eric about to leave for Africa, saying goodbye to all his friends in the basement, walking up the stairs and turning off the lights.

And then the crew yelling at him because they are all still in the basement about to watch TV like nothing had changed.

Son of a BITCH.

I'm angry because I was going to do this with Sitcom houses someday, and then turn it into a Master's thesis.  I'm happy because I know I'm not the only crazy bastard thinking about it. 

Head over to danmeth.com, and watch the page for more "Pop Cultural Charts."  The Sitcom-House-Setup chart and the Trilogy Quality Chart are, however, every bit worth the visit.

Side Post: Funny YouTube Video for Today

No words can add to this...

The Bryan Brinkman Experiment: Fine, Fallon, I'll bite

Jimmy Fallon has started something called "The Bryan Brinkman Experiment," attempting to get an audience member (named -- wait for it -- Bryan Brinkman) more Twitter followers than Obama.  It's about to air on Late Night, but I found it on the blog early, and I'm throwing my support in.

Jimmy is getting another chance tonight because Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht of Digg.com are doing an interview (possibly connected with the Brinkman thing).  They've been on web talk shows for years now, and their crossover into regular TV means we might get some quality Rose and Albrecht on network broadcasts.  Not only that, but Fallon seems to be drifting away from the staples of late night and into his own, slightly better version.  Being a child of the internet (so to speak), he might know how to do it in 4 weeks instead of the three to six months of the typical late night host.  Tonight I give him a second opportunity to give me hope.

Or palm my face.  Hard.

EDIT:  Well, the audience didn't seem to enjoy Alex and Kevin, even though they were awesome.  Jimmy's improving, but still has a long way to go with celebs.  Except Russell Brand.  Whatever he was on made interviewing him comedy gold.

Brinkman, By the way, is gaining Twitter followers by the second.  This experiment... intrigues me.  Like a Colbert ultra-stunt.

Liveblogging from a bar: One step closer to my dream job

The Wharf Rat in Baltimore is not what you expect.  

Walking in at first, you'd expect a theme bar, of course.  Baltimore's Fells Point is little more than a series of fantastic drinking holes interspersed with small restaurants and shoppes -- not shops.  The extra alphabet is required to describe the little trinket stores, with sometimes very unique faire (and occasionally not so much).  

The Wharf Rat, however, refuses to obey conventions in a few directions.  The bar is dimly lit by the lanterns along the rafters, so most of the light is provided by christmas lights that could have been purchased at Wal-Mart.  Trivial Pursuit cards dot the surface of each table, offering guests the opportunities to make asses out of their friends.  The floor is reminiscent, I'm sure, of whatever floor originally topped the foundation.  It might be the original, but the sturdy wood beneath your feet tends more to remind you of an old pirate ship than anything else.

And that's the interior in a nutshell -- if your friends could rent a party pirate ship and get a bar jammed into the middle of it, you'd be in a floating version of the Wharf Rat.  Not afraid of their nautical leanings, they embrace their love of the sea whole-heartedly, including allowing a pirate-shanty Pub sing in their long, alternate bar area.

That's what I'm doing here tonight -- my Pirate friend is having a birthday tonight, and his activity of choice is the drunken shouting of sailing songs.  

The beer is good, especially the microbrews, and the food -- though very bar-ish for the later crowds -- is delicious.  You wouldn't expect pirates to make such kick-ass pizza, either, but they do.  The field of tables feels more like an actual pub, as opposed to a restaurant, so the tasty selections provide a for an awesome meeting place in the middle of a night out.

So without expectations, go get tipsy at the Wharf Rat.  They'll treat you well, sell you great eats and not tax your taste with an overly-modern Nightclub style.  The classics are alive and well in this part of Baltimore, and bars like the Wharf Rat are right in the center.

Happy Birthday B!

Side Post: Eating Crow

As I've stated before that there is one man I trust above all others about all things movie, TV or literature. And he has spoken.

Apparently, Watchmen was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that he has seen it twice. The guy is a poor college student... and he's seen it twice. You know that I movie has to be worth a damn to take the movie over what could potentially snowball into his inability to buy a textbook or lunch or gas or another movie ticket... Like to see Wolverine or Star Trek.

He did acknowledge that the film had some minor changes and more punch-you-in-the-face violence, and for him to allow such a thing is HUGE. So now I need to see it. Soon. Like, now.

EDIT: He also commented on that the soundtrack wasn't that bad, except for the version of Hallelujah they have. If you've seen Shrek, then you know the song. Yeah, that one... One of the most beautiful songs in the world, and the version they chose for this film is the biggest piece of shit I've ever had to listen to 30 seconds of as an iTunes preview. Go ahead and check it out. Then go find the a cappella version on BOCA 2006. If you don't find that version absolutely incredible, you don't have a soul. If you like the version from the movie, stop reading my blogs because you ruin life with your shitty taste in music.

Anyways, I am a big man, and I know defeat when I see it. So, to Zack Snyder, I apologize. I should have kept the faith after 300...

Side Post: Castle

Nathan Fillion, you slick son of a bitch.  Joss Whedon, the man who made you, can barely get a show to make twenty seconds sense this season, and you go and remind all of us why Bruce Willis did Moonlighting.  

Castle really is pretty good.  It's another in the increasingly interesting line of "Back to Basics" hour long TV -- screw the arcs and the overdramatic subplots.  I want forty-four minutes of character-driven awesome.  

Fillion and Castle provide just that.   Go watch.

When Idiots Watch the News

As the country spirals itself directly down history's crapper, a widening gap between political philosophies has become a disadvantage to the very people this nation was founded to protect and provide for:  Morons. 

  Their leader.

The problem is all of this political speak.  Why are Conservatives on the right and Liberals on the left?  Is the reverse true in the UK?  Democrats use the color blue to identify themselves, and Republicans use red -- but everyone knows that the Democrats are the dirty, baby-eating Communists.  And why is it that only Republicans are allowed to own full grown pet elephants?  Isn't that some sort of discrimination?

As such, I've dedicated my thoughts to explaining the details between the two sides, according to how the News Media portrays them:  The gay-marriage-stem-cell-parade having Marxists of the left wing, and the hobo-murdering, wife-beating, swim-in-a-pool-of-money Scrooge McDuck bastards of the right.  

For our first part, the lefties:

To begin, you must understand that the politics of the left wing are inspired by the most horrible of our unsuccesful politicians:  Failures of mankind such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln and Jesus, all of whom participated in hideous rituals of social service and Satanic puppy-mutilating.  However, as most of these role models are dead (supposedly -- I'm talking to you, Zombie Lincoln), the brainwashed slobbering hordes now get their hate speak from this travesty of existence:

Totally not gay.

Also this guy:

Slightly gay.  Yet forgivable.

If you lean more toward the conservative side of things, forgive the evil that radiates from the above photos.  It may be difficult to look at either for too long unless you're holding your bible.  Even then, don't stare into Keith Olbermann's eyes for more than a few seconds.  You'll black out, wake up on a peach-colored couch in an unfamiliar apartment and discover you now have a "roommate" named Toby who rarely wears pants and insists you listen to Barry Manilow records during dinner.

What do these heathens and demon-men believe?  Let's check a few items on the list:

-- Money is bad, and nobody should have any.  People are happiest when poor.

-- We should give welfare to everyone, even Congresspeople.  If possible, all jobs should be eliminated in favor of staying home, having kids and smoking crack.

-- Tigers and other exotic household pets should be allowed to run for public office.

-- Abortions are awesome.

-- Celebrities, like professors, are a precious resource of knowledge and experience.  Britney Spears, for instance, has the left-wing equivalent of a PhD in Social Justice:  A Grammy.  Paul Blart, Mall Cop will soon be our new secretary of Commerce.

-- We should beat children into submission by forcing them to be creative.  The left does not believe in testing, and they are dedicated to eliminating a child's God-given right to be academically tested until catatonic.

-- God isn't real.  And if he was, he would totally smell like farts and drink the last of the milk without throwing the container away.

-- Terrorists need hugs and candy.  They cannot be stopped by any other means.

-- Humans and Monkeys, having common ancestry, should legally be allowed to marry.

The horror of these nutjob, self-loving Demon-crats is that they have somehow hypnotized the entire country into voting them into office using a fair, time-tested system that measures a significant majority of concrete opinion amongst a random sampling of the population.  The fucking nerve.  Like a rocket-powered wheelchair at the Special Olympics, their dual tactics of "accurately interpreting the system" and "following the law" are the dirtiest kind of politics:  The kind that no other politician is clean enough to use.

In addition, Democrats are always giving away the hard-earned money of our most beleagured social class:  The unfathomably wealthy.  Our economy is tanking, and yet the president and his politi-cronies are taking away precious kazillions from our kazillionaires.  And where are they putting it?  Financial wastelands like road improvement and orphanages.  Just throwing it away.  They hate financial freedom so much they want to give it to everybody, thus diluting it for the people who had to work so hard on their back door, legally gray business dealings.  Some of these unfortunate rich might not even have enough to buy a second plane after the Lefties are done in office, but we'll see:  Remember, Righties, Sarah Palin can come back in 2012.  And if she's elected, it'll be like Bush never even gave up his divine right to rule our country!

In part two, I'll explore the inner, often extremely gelatinous workings of the average right winger, unless the creatures inside of them devour my very sanity first.  We'll see if I can hold them at bay with snausages.

W.

Today, Watchmen came out.

I did not rush out to see it because today was my son's original projected due date, so I accepted the fact that I would not see this movie its opening weekend a long time ago. That and I am relatively new to Watchmen. Only after I saw the original trailer was I handed the graphic novel and told to read it.

Before you go off on a shit-fit of "blah blah blah eleventh-hour fan blah blah blah loved it for years," to be completely honest, the trailer really made me want to read it less. I'm not sure if it was the trailer with a bunch of actors I had no idea who they were except for Russell from Stillwater and the "I'm always naked" girl from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Entourage and The Heartbreak Kid, or the rabid fan sitting front of me who freaked out through the ENTIRE FUCKING TRAILER!

I respect the shit out of the novel, I love it. I had a tough time getting through the first couple of pages, but once I sat down and digested it a little, when I picked it back up I was hooked. And I can see why it was called "unfilmable..." but I thought that was because any amount of Billy Crudup penis would be too much.


This on IMAX... No thank you!
But to go absolutely APE SHIT in a public place on the opening weekend for The Dark Knight was a bit for me to tolerate. I don't think I've ever freaked out like that in a public place... except for a time or two when I was absolutely hammered in college and "Ice Ice Baby" came on.


Approves
So, you can have your Watchmen movie, which has been horribly panned by everyone I've paid a slight bit of attention to. Those who say it's awesome, may or may not have said that Hulk, Doom and Episode 1 were all awesome... Just saying.

No, I am much more excited about X-Men Origins: Wolverine (or Wolberine if you so please) but I'm not freak out in a theater excited... The previous 3 X-Men films made sure never to be excited for an X-Men movie... ever. They were fun movies, but not even remotely what I would call "great movies" and they lack a very important aspect of movies for me and most of the people I consider friends: Re-watchability. And I have no doubt that this movie will continue that trend. Wolverine will be a bad ass, there will be a lot of "cameos" and a lot of shit will get tore up and/or blown up. I'll watch it once, possibly but the DVD for future viewing and quickly forget about it. But for now, look at this, and tell me it doesn't tickle your "f'ing awesome bone" a little...


It's like Chris Claremont sex for your eyes
Anywho, that's all. I hope we all can enjoy Watchmen and it gets the special treatment it deserves, but I'm not expecting much.

HOLY CRAP

I'll have to be truthful to you -- there are times that a man questions his faith.  Too few, indeed, are the times when a man's faith is restored.

I have absolutely no clue what I did to deserve such joy in this life.  For the prophecies have come true:  A Boy and his Blob will come to the Wii.

You may weep openly.  I won't judge you.

Justin.tv: Screw you, anything I was doing today

I have found a new internet refuge, and it is justin.tv.  Head there.  I don't think it'll give you a virus -- don't even try to quote me on that -- but I don't even care.  It could give your computer chlamydia for all I know, but it's worth it.  

Welcome to your salvation, major networks.

That's right, Big 3.  It's time to accept a simple truth:  Nobody likes to watch broadcast TV anymore.  It's the end of scheduled creative broadcasting:  24/7 news networks are pure profit.  At some point, we have to ask ourselves why:  Is there something that important about the news that makes people tune in?  No.  It's the twenty-four hour, fuck-your-faceness of the Constant News Networks.    You don't have to schedule a thing on those channels, because news is never not happening -- it's disturbing, however, that the minutia of everyday life is starting to fill in the hours when really, there isn't that much news.  At least, not in this country.  (And you thought we gave a shit about -- where?  The Sudan?  It could be underwater for all you know.)  Mildly talented housepets and insane conspiracy theories dot the spaces between actual countrywide events.  It's like someone put YouTube on a 'Random' loop.

Which segues nicely into my next major point:  For TV to remain relevant, it's time to really turn to the internet.  

Justin.tv is the alpha prototype of something just that clever.  On the site, users broadcast whatever they want -- over 60 channels worth of material, broadcast 24/7, anywhere.  It's a media addict's wet dream, especially if you have a particular primetime fetish.  Want to watch Nicktoons?  Ever?  There's a channel for that.  A magical dimension with constant Star Trek:  The Next Generation and Twilight Zone marathons, any day of the year?  You live there.  

Granted, not everything is offered -- but that's where a little trust comes in.  NBC and Fox put theirs in Hulu, which has turned out fantastically for both of them.  What's CBS doing, exactly?  ABC?  (Probably drinking Mai Tais.  They're owned by Disney.)  A conglomeration of networks needs to snatch up this idea -- take Justin.tv, run polls, and find the top 25 or so shows to run in twenty-four hour marathons.  Take a commercial break every five minutes -- cut them to 30-45 seconds, too.  Let the sponsors name their price-per-viewer, and see what happens.

The use of new technology to prop up the old seems awfully ignorant to the truly forward thinking, I suppose; however the idea of new new media is one that needs a bridge.  Every innovation has its bridge.  On Demand entertainment is a hell of a thing, but you know what I'm not into?  Making stupid decisions.  I don't want to specify which episode of MacGyver to watch, I just want some household-product-rescue(-mullet) badassedness.  Throw one of those things up at random.  Is he using a paperclip this time?  He just might.

Justin.tv gives the channel surfers that still exist a very powerful tool:  Something is always on.  It's heaven.  You can jump in on any of these shows, but the promise is that you don't have to wade through even subber-par programming just to find that slightly shiny piece of crap.  Someone has a sifter, and it's all shiny crap.  5 channels of oldschool 80's action movies?  It's either that, or 24 hours of Seinfeld.  Which one am I more likely to watch while tolerating Charmin commercials?  

Maybe someday we'll be able to make TV decisions like OnDemand wants us to.  Right now, the bandwidth growth of the internet allows for a constant stream of hundreds of show-specific television channels.  And with over-the-air broadcast dying, an ad-based model will have to attract flies not just with honey, but honey-coated goldleaf diamonds.  With chocolate in the middle.  Chocolate filled with rainbows.  365 straight days of Scooby Doo will probably work.

For now, the site is wasted on the pirates, but with just small commercial injections, a semi-decent business model could spring forth.  Until then, we have a free source of constant, less-than-complete-shit programming that plays with no commercials.  Get into it now before it's bought up -- or shut down.

(And if it becomes trendy, tell them I told you about it way before it was cool.)

"You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business, that's why they call them 'business socks!'"...

No, the title has nothing to do with the actual post, I just happen to be listening to Flight of the Conchords. If you've never exposed yourself (woowoo!) to FotC, go to youtube. Watch the videos for "Business Time" and "She's so Boom." I'll wait here until you come back.

::Plays a rousing game of solitare::

Now that we've gotten that out of our systems, on to the actual post!

I'm going to Memphis, baby!

It's been over a year since I've taken a road trip. GASP! CHOKE! STAGGER! If there's one thing I love to do, it's travel, particularly in my car, with people crammed in to keep me company. Road tripping in a Versa isn't the most comfortable mode of transportation, but it's guaranteed to produce at least three hilarious, albeit incriminating, photos, and a good deal of blogging material.

SO! From Saturday, March 14th, through Thursday, March 19th, I'll be hitting the highway with my favorite bandguys, Trey and Negley, and we're heading down to Memphis for BBQ, Blues, BB King, and Beale Street.

Most importantly Beale Street, because let's face it, we'll be there through St. Patrick's day. Do NOT look for a post on Tuesday the 17th, because I doubt there will be coherent speech, much less coherent typing skills. There will be attempts to report from the road and from the land of the Delta Blues, but if I slack, you'll just have to forgive me.

We are not computer geniuses, part 2

K-- there appear to be issues with the blogger posting software when people are overzealous about it. Which we all are.  So we'll see how that resolves in the future.  

Anyone know anything about this disappearing-blog joint?

Even at "prime time" there's still nothing on...

I could complain about Jimmy, but at this point, I think we can all agree that opinion #3 becomes a superfluous Fallon-Flogging, and I really have no interest in late shows anymore. I used to watch Jay (or rather, Jay's chin) and occasionally Conan would provide me some amusement, but I didn't like Jimmy Fallon on SNL, I'm certainly going to loathe him on late night television.

That being said, prime time television blows. During football season, I have a reason to turn on my television on Monday nights, and sometimes on Thursdays. I briefly entertained the idea of getting into Lost, and promptly wanted to rip my eyes from my skull after five minutes, going "WTF?" Lost leaves me just that, lost, and it's probably my own fault, since the only channel I watch on a regular basis is

This past Monday, I was channel surfing, because I was tired of hearing about the two football players lost off the coast of Florida (those guys are shark food) and March Madness really hasn't hit me yet.

I will, however, take this moment to shamelessly plug the lady Terps,

who are gonna take the NCAA Championship AGAIN!

That being said, there was NOTHING ON TELEVISION. Nada, zip, zero, zilch worth watching, and somehow (because God is occasionally cruel) I found myself watching the last episode of The Bachelor.

I hate reality television, but more than reality television, I hate reality dating shows, and the Bachelor/Bachelorette is at the top of my loathe-list. Reality TV isn't even reality anymore; in the first 15 minutes of any given show, I can tell you what's going to happen for the rest of the season. Seriously, it's a gift, and it occasionally scares people, my reality ESP. When I tuned in to the last episode of this horrifically bad show (right up there with Survivor) the Bitch, I mean, Bachelor, a single dad named Jason, was down to two women: the perky, bubbly, sweet faced brunette whom everyone loves, and the sexy, sultry, fun-loving blond, whom everyone wants to bend over a bar stool. Not saying the brunette wasn't sexy, because she was, but the blond had that je ne sais quoi, that indefinable something that says "I like it in the rear." The brunette was girl-next-door sweet, and while you can do all kinds of nasty things to the girl next door, she'll make you cookies afterward.

My immediate reaction to this scenario was thus: He's gonna pick the brunette, because she'll be better with his son, but he's gonna regret it, and shit's gonna hit the fan.

Sure enough, he ditches the sultry blond, who was devastated, and proposes to the brunette, who jumped in the pool with him and his son while wearing an unflattering evening gown. Five minutes after this episode ended, the "After the Final Rose" episode came on (I'm not kiddding, that's what they call this crap) and sure enough, he decided that "things had changed" with his brunette fiancee, and he thought he'd made a mistake, and he rips her heart out on t.v., albeit without a live studio audience, because ABC has a heart (or so they'd like us to think.) He then tells the blond, whom he had previously rejected, that she was the one for him.

And the dumb blond takes him back.

It figures. I assume you have to be a few brain cells short of a functioning tard to go on shows like this looking for a husband, but to be rejected for another woman on television, and then told "oops, looks like I was wrong," and fall for it, wow. Just...wow.

I hate television. If it weren't for ESPN and my DVD player, I wouldn't own one.

Fallon: Day 2- The Face

Last night, I went against my better judgment and turned on Jimmy Fallon. What I got was as expected, and less.

I came on at the end of the Tiny Fey interview, and I don't know what led to this, but they were talking about still shots of Jimmy Fallon doing Update portion of SNL.

I repeat... The Host... was talking to the guest... about HIMSELF!!! WHAT THE DOUBLE F!?!

Now granted, he's new to the whole interview thing but I'm pretty sure that talking to Tina Fey, one of the best writers/actors/creators in the biz right now, about your lame-ass self is not what Johnny, Jay, Conan, Letterman, or even Carson Daly would say constitutes a great interview on your second episode ever. "Hey, you're totally kicking ass in the entertainment world! Let's look at pictures of me from years ago when people actually knew who I was!" Douche.

After that, was Jon Bon Jovi and he was forced to listen to one of the worst Karaoke singers butcher "Dead of Alive." I felt his pain and it's a good thing they kept the camera on that poor woman, who was probably pulled off the street at gunpoint to attend Jimmy Fallon's show and then the producers held her mother hostage until she sang on-air. After that, I zoned out with the stupid chair skit and I found The Rocketeer on OnDemand so I wouldn't have to subject myself to the "musical guest." But all said and done, I discovered 2 things.

1) I really don't like Jimmy Fallon. I never have. He had a few funny moments on SNL's Weekend Update, but that can't go to his acting... That goes to the writers. I think a giant-sized Mr. Potato Head would have been a better choice than Fallon.

2) Jimmy Fallon had this "deer-in-headlights" look all night. It was the look of someone who knows they're bombing because they have absolutely no idea what they're doing. In the Jon Bon Jovi interview, he was basically sucking him off... It was a verbal BJ because there were zero questions. Jimmy Fallon basically sat there and said "I love you Bon Jovi" over and over again. I noticed the same look and tension when Drew Carey took over The Price Is Right... Them's some big shoes to fill, and if you don't do your shit right, a great show is gonna go down the crapper.

I dunno, I guess I still have the taste of Conan fresh in my mouth (eww) and I'm angry that my work schedule will not allow me to watch Conan's new time slot. The bottom line is that when I'm up late at night with a feeding baby, I wish I had a late night show worth watching. NBC has taken that right away from me. And for that, I will punish them by watching more Chuck than ever before so they have to spend their money on a good show! TAKE THAT PEACOCK!!